we have officially lost it.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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