you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
