dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
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