Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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