just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize