He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
