already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
