so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize