My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
