I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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