I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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