She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
How external is "for external use only"?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
