My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize