dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
