it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
