I cannot find my penis.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
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I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
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I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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