my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
