yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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