Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
