WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize