apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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