you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
