i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
