Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
