im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
