He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
