Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
