what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
