the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
