I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
