You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
