WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize