Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
