guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I am mentally ready for anal.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
