the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
