So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
