we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
