I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
