how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
