4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
