The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
nutella sex= disaster
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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