my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
