Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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