I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize