I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
