i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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