Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
