drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
