That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
