i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
