If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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