I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
