So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Everyone says I win the strip club
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
