dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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