Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
