Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
