Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
